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lj idol, open topic

I like to think of myself as a kind person. Considerate. Caring. Filled with goodwill towards kindred human beings.

All that stops the instant I get behind the wheel of a car.

Somehow, as soon traffic starts to clog, those other drivers stop being potential friends, admirable individuals, or fellow travelers on this road of life. No, when I see them through my windshield, they're bitter rivals, if not outright enemies. Every single car between me and my destination is keeping me from where I need to be. Each one has the power to carelessly ruin my day.

Which is, when I think of it, incredibly selfish of them. How dare they do this to me? By the time traffic outright stops, it isn't just drivers that are the targets of my righteous indignation. The radio station announcer that failed to warn me. The department of transportation that didn't do a better job planning their roads. Stupid Henry T. Ford and his stupid assembly line - did he even stop to think about the long term consequences of enabling an automobile focused society? And what's wrong with society, anyway, that we allow things like this to happen? We let ourselves lose hours, days, years of our lives, wasted in these metal cages, when we aren't even going anywhere. And we act like it's normal! What kind of monsters are we?

By the time I get to an exit, my misanthropy has usually reached a new all-time high. I find new reasons to hate everyone before I reach the train station - my level of personal offense at those people who stopped in the middle of the road to pick someone up, or that guy who double parked, couldn't be any higher if they'd put up flashing signs explaining that they were inconveniencing me on purpose.

Later, when I take the subway to class, I regret my anger, my uncharitable thoughts. I promise that next time I'll stay calm. I say I'll try the yoga breathing or the stress ball or the soothing music. But I know that the truth is, it's just harder when I'm driving. Liking people outside of a car is much easier - probably because, outside a car, I can actually see them. I can see that the woman next to me is trying to manage three bags of groceries, and the man across from me is reading a book to his toddler. I can see the obviously-lost foreign tourists argue over a map while nervously watching that group of teenagers, and I can see one of the teenagers go over and give them directions in their own language.

And if we stop between stations, and there's an announcement that the train is 'currently experiencing slight delays,' I can see everyone groan, roll their eyes, and go back to what they're doing. No one gets worked up about it. What would the point be? We're all in the same boat - or at least the same subway car.

Not rivals. Not enemies. Just people.

Comments

( 15 said to the lesser floods, "Be dry." — say to mountains, "Be ye removed." )
nodressrehersal
Jan. 24th, 2012 01:26 am (UTC)
I can practically feel your tension from here! Relax those shoulder muscles! Loosen that grip on the steering wheel!
rt_sparrow
Jan. 24th, 2012 01:41 am (UTC)
Nicely done. :)
lusimeles
Jan. 24th, 2012 02:18 am (UTC)
*slow clap*
shadowwolf13
Jan. 24th, 2012 05:14 am (UTC)
Remind me not to ride in a car with you. ;)
pixiebelle
Jan. 24th, 2012 11:18 pm (UTC)
Oh my, I can relate to the driving bit all too well. People are shocked to see how much road rage I get when I'm behind the wheel. I hate driving. Nicely done!
createdestiny
Jan. 25th, 2012 04:56 am (UTC)
Arrrgh! I'm the same way.
whipchick
Jan. 25th, 2012 08:10 am (UTC)
It's so much easier to be calm on public transportation!!
jacq22
Jan. 25th, 2012 09:08 am (UTC)
I would be someone you hated---- a hestitant driver!!! I don't drive, as I feel I must keep death off the road. I am dangerous, didn't even pass my moped (small slow motorbike) exam. Nearly killed the guy when he jumped out to stop me. Sent 3 driving instructors into therapy, and once when I was still driving, parked the car (not intentionally ) with its nose between two parked cars when I missed a corner. Yes public transport is so calm and peaceful.

You are not alone becoming a devil behind the wheel, have seen it happen to friends.
michikatinski
Jan. 25th, 2012 05:08 pm (UTC)
Heh.

I catch myself swearing up and down at people from my car whom I'd never treat that way if I didn't have two walls of metal between me and them.

Nice work.
noodledays
Jan. 25th, 2012 06:47 pm (UTC)
I like the self-awareness you share here. and you're not alone in that affliction - I know many who have it, and I'm sometimes affected by it myself. :/
frecklestars
Jan. 26th, 2012 01:33 am (UTC)
I'd tell you to relax too, but I know the feeling a little too well. Yoga breathing is hard when the bitch impulse is engaged. ;) (Also see icon for further thoughts.)
muchtooarrogant
Jan. 26th, 2012 04:51 am (UTC)
Your entry makes me glad that I can't drive. :) Okay, not quite, but almost. Nicely told!

Dan
myrna_bird
Jan. 26th, 2012 04:43 pm (UTC)
I do not think you are in any kind of minority at all. In fact, I think Greyhound's motto...Leave the Driving to Us! shows they depend on us to feel just as you describe! :)
mstrobel
Jan. 26th, 2012 09:41 pm (UTC)
And this is why I don't drive ;)
lawchicky
Jan. 27th, 2012 12:00 am (UTC)
Road rage can be a terrible thing- always remember that a car is also a giant weapon, and be careful!
( 15 said to the lesser floods, "Be dry." — say to mountains, "Be ye removed." )

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